AL-Anon

Click here:   —QUOTES—   For that section below.

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AL-Anon, AA, NA, Addiction.

That’s right!  I have a webpage about it, along with a jar of my alcoholic fathers ashes.  He died of liver cancer when he was 42, I was 11.  I know where addiction leads and I have found serenity by avoiding addicts with impulse control problems (like my parents).  Oh, and of course all things on my webpage do not represent AL-Anon, but are my own views.

Al-Anon is an anonymous program, along with Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s important I keep (alcoholic, narcotic, and al-anon), attendees anonymous. And I will.

except one dirt bag, My dead father.

Since his death no one has ever defended him. He is the ONLY alcoholic I will openly talk about, shame, denigrate and call an alcoholic. Openly. Without censorship, or apology. Many other people I used to be subconsciously attracted to have addict tendencies too.

It always took me a mind bending amount of apologizing for him to make my life and childhood appear positive when it was not.  I’m thankful I found Adult Children of Alcoholics and other conference approved literature, since it reads like my father and mothers treatment toward me.  It outlines how I can find my way out of rescuing addicts (like my parents or friends or lovers), from their addiction problems.  No alcohol or schedule one drugs are allowed on my property.  If my daughter ever reads this and I get to see her again I hope she knows her dads house won’t have any alcohol or drugs.

Was your life ruined by addicts, or alcoholics?  A Gambler throws away your money? Do people leach off you? Do you find it foreign being friends with healthy people?  Then AL-Anon might help you as it helped me.  I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. If the addict doesn’t want to get better, they won’t.  Stop enabling them.  Learn about enmeshment.  live a better life through detachment with love.

At 42 years old my father chose alcohol to his wife and only child, me.

Fuck you dad!  He left me a shitty grey wool blanket, a cheap silver ring with jade stones in it, and his shitty pickup we sold for food after he died.  He was renting a trailer I barely ever saw the inside of.

A jar with his ashes gives me EVERY right to talk about alcoholics, AA, NA, and AL-Anon.  If someone emails me or speaks to me face to face asking to take this page down I will consider it.  Might post your censorship request on my website if it’s fruity and colorful.  But I won’t likely take down my page about AL-Anon and AA, since only in 2017 has AL-Anon finally begun to save my life when my blood pressure became uncontrollable.  I was trying to apply logic to illogical situations, illogical people and finally it was affecting my health.

I found AL-Anon because a medical doctor handed me the One Day at A Time (ODOT), book to solve my uncontrollable blood pressure.  Here I was sitting in a hospital bed with a heart condition and all I could talk about was other people.  I kept talking of other people as the doctor tried to ask me about my own body.

AL-Anon saves my life every day.  It helps me be a better person.  Most of all it keeps addicts, alcoholics, narcotic addicts, out-of-control people at arms length.  Out of my private sanctuary.  AL-Anon shows me how to say no and become comfortably shielded as the addict tries guilt and shame me into insecurity of my decision.  Al-Anon meetings bring me together with others who have to say no like I do to their addict family and friends.

My father gave up helping my mother from her brain injury and his slow suicide by alcohol worked when he turned into crematory ash.  His yellow skin from liver failure while dying I won’t forget.  In 2017 I finally put my health and my daughters before my mother.  She’s still alive, mid 70’s age, talks to herself constantly, contacts me hundreds of times a week (always has), doesn’t understand healthy boundaries, quickly overwhelms everyone verbally and instantly makes everyone uncomfortable, due to her brain injury sustained a few years before I was born.  My father nursed her back to health two year before I was born from a brain injury that should have killed her.  I am born of the Florence Nightingale effect.  My mom resembles a drug or alcohol addict, so I found addicts and alcoholics (historically), my friends.

In 2017, my fight ended with my mom when I told her I will call the police if she drives 300 miles to my home in Montana from Idaho.  She’s no longer welcome and I have proof of her threatening my ex wife, ex wife’s family, and court employees, in writing, who subsequently took away my rights to my child two years ago because my (family – mother), wanted to steal the child.  Voice dictation via an iPad by my nearly blind mom took away my child.  She’ll scream about her first amendment rights while threatening to kill people.  Growing up my friends offered me their couches to sleep on whenever my mom got really bad.

I have my child of alcoholic parents story, and I’m rewriting it by keeping every addict out of my sanctuary from now on.  Some addict stories are only solved by walking away from them.  Some relationships can be saved, but that word, “saved,” is the bait of the addict you must learn to avoid and not respond to so the addict finally gets better.

No alcohol or drugs are ever allowed on my property ever again.  I am a disabled veteran with many broken bones from an injury in the line of duty and I will endure the chronic pain the rest of my life just to make sure zero drugs or alcohol ever enters my property ever again.

Resources:

http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-laundry_list

http://al-anon.org

https://www.aa.org

https://www.addictioninfo.org

Addiction by rich people is still addiction whether they can “afford,” it or not.  However by definition addiction can’t be satisfied.  I’ve seen addicts rip through resources for endless drugs, pot, cocaine, alcohol, shopping, texting (fuckbook – Facebook), travel, real estate, cars, jewelry, etc.  Most concerning of all was taught to me late in life by a very spoiled child of very rich parents.  When I said my neighborhood had no felons on the child sex abuse website, he told me that was because people in the neighborhood afforded lawyers to keep clean records.  All rich families provide lawyers to keep their records clean.  The poor (me), have to actually live good lives.  The rich buy clean records.  law is corrupt.  Corrupt addicts lead to hell, the dark side.  I am lucky they never killed me.

Just listen to this successful medical doctor talk about addiction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66cYcSak6nE

He started delivering a baby at a hospital then slipped out to fill his addiction while someone else finished the baby’s delivery.

Listen to Jimquisition:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S-DGTBZU14

I’ve seen enough rich families to know that addiction affects them too.  There is one way to fix addiction which is this:  The addict must want to get better.  The addict must make a program and stick to it every day.  Unless the addict sticks to their recovery program they will slip back into their addiction.

Also, and this is chiefly to blame among the rich for all of their addiction problems.  DON’T ENABLE AN ADDICT!!!  The addict will likely die while dependent on their enabler.  I’ve seen this over and over.  My mom plays piano (one thing she learned before her head injury), and earned an award over a decade ago from Hospice.  Hospice cares for the poor, alcoholic and drug addicted, while they die.  My mom’s award:  For playing piano at her 1,000th hospice event.  death by drug overdose or suicide was more common for me than going to the food bank and I still remember cheese day at the food bank.  My mom is attracted to addicts, alcoholics, suicides and deaths by overdose because of her personality due to a brain injury makes her right at home with addicts with memory problems.

We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”  -From “Laundry List” link above.  This describes every woman I’ve dated, and I only was friends with men who reminded me of my alcoholic father.  In 2017 this line about pity shook me to my core.  Does it shake your core?  I couldn’t save my father, so I found men I could uselessly fail to save over and over.  I chose women with memory issues like my mom.

Subconsciously I made the addicts dependent on me by doing everything for them they should do for themselves.  If this sounds nuts, then nuts is growing up in a severely alcoholic house where a parent dies of alcoholism.  AL-Anon has saved my life because until my late 30’s I couldn’t describe a part of my life which wasn’t enmeshed with addicts.  Addicts I use loosely to include everything from facebook addiction, to gambling, alcohol, or weed in excess is addiction.  Have you spent large amounts of time talking to your friends and family about another friend or family member who won’t leave the bar, drinking unless just barely sober enough to drive?  That was my dad and most of my male friends until my mid thirties.  Doing something so much, or so resource intensive they aren’t taking care of their needs, they’re an addict.  Point them to counseling, and for goodness sake, do not pay their bills, shelter them, do their cooking and cleaning while they just keep being addicts.  I used to do that.  NEVER AGAIN.  Just as I grew up determined to save my parent who died of liver cancer (subconscious programming), I too looked for people I could save.  My attitude I could best describe as making people dependent on me, subconsciously.

There is an especially uncomfortable trend to how I approached and was attracted to the parents of women I dated.  Just as I wanted a woman to save I wanted healthy parents.  I ended up missing the parents of women I dated (or was engaged to marry into), so much more than the women I dated.  The appeal of a healthy pair of parents blinded me and often I’ve loved women as much as I’ve loved the idea of calling her parents mom and dad.  Even some guy friends with healthy parents have commented to me things which made me perceive later on that I had an attraction to being part of any family where healthy parents existed.

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To emphasize my point about addicts and my subconscious attraction to their emotions while myself not using drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc; a recent example drives the nail home.  A working professional I know from college had a job for about a decade with strict drug testing.  He could not smoke pot.  Their happiest news after finding their next job without drug testing? They tell me with glee in their eye, they had no idea how much they liked getting high on weed every night, every evening, after walking home from the bar/microbrewery daily as well.  Every day this person just worked, walked to bar, walked home, and got high.  and you know what?  they were until then the last person I thought was actually healthy in my friendship pool.  Now I know I lived all my life subconsciously attracted to addicts.  I deleted their phone number from my phone stopped returning their calls and texts and focused more on my AL-Anon program.  Mind you that was the most upstanding person I knew.  A shining star in my community.  Others in my neighborhood are just drug dealers but they loved some of the women I brought home.  Why?  fellow drug users.  All of them drug addicts.  I’m looking forward to healthy friendships for the rest of my life.  I maybe haven’t had a healthy friendship yet.  Or if I did have a healthy friend their complete lack of problems for me to solve made them boring to me.  I often didn’t return the calls of the healthy person while bailing out the addict from their responsibilites.

Recently another addict I was enabling died of an overdose and that’s when I ceased all interactions with all addicts for the rest of my life.  Period.  If you DON’T have an addiction problem, I look forward to becoming friends.  I am choosing to spend my remaining time on this planet with healthy people.

This page is under construction, subject to change.

—QUOTES—

Healthy, happy, helpful quotes from AL-Anon meetings, literature, my sponsor and experts in self preservation practices:

  • My higher power lets me take a break.
  • AL-Anon might be the first time the child of an alcoholic senses a higher power.
  • Before AL-Anon most children don’t believe in a higher power because what god would let such bad parents have kids.
  • Groups where I listen and share are healthy.
  • I do have a choice to ignore the addicts pleas and do the right thing.
  • Ignore the guilt and shame from addicts.
  • AL-Anon-er’s don’t have sobriety coins because we slip every day, and must stop enabling our addicts daily, hourly, even minute to minute.
  • I can choose humor, my higher power, and differing my pattern, these are my rights.
  • Being true to myself is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself and others.
  • Conforming to others ruins the conformer.
  • I can choose to cease believing the addicts lies.
  • I can choose to observe all the signs.
  • I can choose to NOT ignore the warning signs.
  • I can choose to say no or ignore deceitful offers from addicts.
  • Addict offers must be slowly considered without impulsiveness.
  • I have the right to not participate.
  • If a man carries his own lantern he need not fear darkness.
  • I can choose to avoid slippery slopes.
  • Stop polishing my trophies and start plugging my holes
  • If addicts and AL-anoners have their own boat on a river, the AL-Anon’er boats are empty with the AL-Anoers busy in the addicts boats saving the addicts from their responsibilities as the AL-Anoners boats splinter on the rocks.
  • Let addicts fail so they learn how to take care of themselves.
  • DO NOT ENABLE ADDICTS!!!
  • Don’t let addicts depend on you!!!
  • The choice is mine.
  • When I sense that a situation is dangerous to my physical, mental or spiritual well-being, I can put extra distance between myself and the situation.  -Courage to change, pg 12.
  • I don’t have to be a fish in muddy water, blind to my choices.  I can choose clean water.
  • I exercise my power of choice to avoid known patterns.
  • I have a choice about obsessive thinking.
  • My higher power helps me with my goodbyes and helps me when I say no.
  • NO. is a complete sentence.
  • Choices are good.
  • Addicts are charming, that’s how they feed their addiction.
  • Addicts are charming, that’s how they coped all their life.
  • How many times in treatment is enough?
  • Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” -George Horne
  • Forgive myself for enabling addicts who don’t remember my sacrifice.
  • Helping someone once can be good, continuing to help them may be enabling or enmeshment if they can do those things themselves.
  • This time will be different.
  • The program (AL-Anon), helps me see the pattern and make a change for my health.
  • I turn around and walk in a new direction.
  • Walk away from the dangerous addicts.  Don’t look back.
  • Awareness, choices, healthy choices.
  • I can change me to change relationships.
  • Me + them = relationships.
  • My contribution is words, emotions and actions.
  • I can choose my words, actions and emotions.